you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
