I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think i got beer on your cat.
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