Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
