she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
