Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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