can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
