I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
