I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
