haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
