no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
