oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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