So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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