i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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