threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
