you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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