that's an acceptable place to lick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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