that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
