there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
