I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
