what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize