I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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