I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had sex on a roof
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
