now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize