Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize