Umm I'm too high to move.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize