Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
