To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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