Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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