i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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