dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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