eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize