So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
