so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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