Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
