let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
