my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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