he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
