Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
