ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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