Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
