Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
