no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
