chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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