I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
