I think I am morally bankrupt
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
