she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sext me about skeletons
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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