Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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