if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
