I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
