i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
