Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
