Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize