I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
