just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
