Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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