hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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