This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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