some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
