Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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