Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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