shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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