im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
