if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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