So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
