I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
