I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if only i could text you this smell
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
