I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
