I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
