I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize