I just cut my nipple shaving
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
