I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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