census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
