let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
